Isn't it funny that anything the Supreme Court says is right? Robert Frost
Isn't it funny that anything the Supreme Court says is right?
Me fail english? Thats unpossible. Matt Groening
Me fail english? Thats unpossible.
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car. Erma Bombeck
My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
Never accept a drink from a urologist. Erma Bombeck
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test. George W. Bush
You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were! Stephen Wright
I got up one morning and couldn't find my socks, so I called Information. She said, "Hello, Information." I said, "I can't find my socks." She said, "They're behind the couch." And they were!
I used to have a sign over my computer that read OLD DOGS CAN LEARN NEW TRICKS, but lately I sometimes ask myself how many more new tricks I want to learn. Wouldn't it be easier just to be outdated? Ram Dass
I used to have a sign over my computer that read OLD DOGS CAN LEARN NEW TRICKS, but lately I sometimes ask myself how many more new tricks I want to learn. Wouldn't it be easier just to be outdated?
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row." Stephen Wright
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."
It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face. Popular Saying
It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone. Tommy Cooper
I had a dream last night, I was eating a ten pound marshmallow. I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone.
If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers. Dan Castellaneta
If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. Dan Castellaneta
I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming.
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty. Joe E. Lewis
Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.
Health Canada reports that the infection rate for chlamydia in Saskatoon is twice the national average, making it the chlamydia capital of Canada. Montreal has vowed to get their title back. Rick Mercer
Health Canada reports that the infection rate for chlamydia in Saskatoon is twice the national average, making it the chlamydia capital of Canada. Montreal has vowed to get their title back.
I said 'George, if you want to end world tyranny, you have to stay up later.' Nine o'clock and Mr. Excitement here is in bed, leaving me to watch 'Desperate Housewives' with Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentlemen, I am a desperate housewife. Laura Bush
I said 'George, if you want to end world tyranny, you have to stay up later.' Nine o'clock and Mr. Excitement here is in bed, leaving me to watch 'Desperate Housewives' with Lynne Cheney. Ladies and gentlemen, I am a desperate housewife.
Action, Ability and Awareness (in that order) the 3 keys to success. Joshua Estrin
Action, Ability and Awareness (in that order) the 3 keys to success.
If the gods had intended for people to vote, they would have given us candidates. Howard Zinn
If the gods had intended for people to vote, they would have given us candidates.
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down. Robert Orben
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash. Jerry Seinfeld
Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics. Bill Vaughn
We hope that, when the insects take over the world, they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.
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