Will Rogers
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"William Penn Adair "Will" Rogers" was an American cowboy, vaudeville performer, humorist, social commentator and motion picture actor. He was one of the world's best-known celebrities in the 1920s and 1930s.

Known as "Oklahoma's Favorite Son", Rogers was born to a prominent Cherokee Nation (19th century)/Cherokee Nation family in Indian Territory (now part of Oklahoma). He traveled around the world three times, made 71 Cinema of the United States/movies (50 silent films and 21 "Sound film/talkies"), wrote more than 4,000 print syndication/nationally syndicated newspaper columns, and became a world-famous figure. By the mid-1930s, the American people adored Rogers. He was the leading political wit of the Progressive Era, and was the top-paid Classical Hollywood cinema/Hollywood movie star at the time. Rogers died in 1935 with aviator Wiley Post, when their small airplane crashed in Alaska.

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Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is.

You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.

Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to someone else.

Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes.

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

Noah must have taken into the Ark two taxes, one male and one female. And did they multiply bountifully! Next to guinea pigs, taxes must have been the most prolific animals.

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.

I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.

Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't know much.

The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'

You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.

Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.

The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.

Spinnin' a rope is fun if your neck ain't in it.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth.

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.

Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.

The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know.

I bet you if I had met him [Trotsky] and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I didn't like.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.

Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison.

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.

Nothing you can't spell will ever work.

There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself and family. But he can't make a living for them and his government, too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to do is live as cheap as the people.

See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails?

I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.

The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.

Well, all I know is what I read in the papers.

Politics is applesauce.

You can't say civilizations don't advance...in every war they kill you in a new way.

People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.

Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today.

The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else.

We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can.

An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh.

I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em.

I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up.

The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.

If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"

Try to live your life so that you wouldn't be afraid to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.

It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.

If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could not sit down for a week.

If studidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?

If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.

There ought to be one day - just one - where there is open season on senators.

We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it.

Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work.

Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat.

Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education.

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House?

I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like to run their own business. I know men that would make my wife a better husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.

The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.