Phyllis Diller
FameRank: 6

"Phyllis Ada Driver", better known as "Phyllis Diller", was an

Diller's voice acting roles included the Queen in A Bug's Life, Granny Neutron in The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Thelma Griffin in Family Guy, and various characters on Robot Chicken.

If you enjoy these quotes, be sure to check out other famous comedians! More Phyllis Diller on Wikipedia.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.

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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. -Phyllis Diller
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A chinese man threw up on me.

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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

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What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. -Phyllis Diller
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

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It's an ill wind that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. -Phyllis Diller
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

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Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing. -Phyllis Diller
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type. -Phyllis Diller
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