The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.

213

A diploma only proves that you know how to look up answers.

206

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.

200

Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche -- a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea. For instance, my grandmother used to say, 'The black cat is always the last one off the fence.' I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was undoubtedly true.

185

Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.

158

If God is watching us, we might as well be interesting.

155