The national sport of England is obstacle-racing. People fill their rooms with useless and cumbersome furniture, and spend the rest of their lives in trying to dodge it.

A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.

He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him.

People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty.

Sirs, I have tested your machine [a gramophone]. It adds a new terror to life and makes death a long-felt want.

When I pass my name in such large letters I blush, but at the same time instinctively raise my hat.

A whipper-snapper of criticism who quoted dead languages to hide his ignorance of life.

Every man is a potential genius until he does something.