"Timothy Mark "Tim" Vine" is an English writer, actor, comedian and presenter, known for his role on the BBC series Not Going Out until his departure in 2012. He has released a number of DVDs of his stand-up comedy and has written several joke books. In 2010 and 2014, Vine won the award for best joke at the Edinburgh Fringe/Edinburgh Fringe Festival, and was runner up in 2011, 2012 and 2013.If you enjoy these quotes, be sure to check out other famous comedians! More Tim Vine on Wikipedia.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'Tim Vine