Wilson Mizner
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"Wilson Mizner" was an United States/American playwright, raconteur, and entrepreneur. His best-known plays are The Deep Purple, produced in 1910, and The Greyhound, produced in 1912. He was manager and co-owner of The Brown Derby restaurant in Los Angeles, California, and was affiliated with his brother, Addison Mizner, in a series of scams and picaresque misadventures that inspired Stephen Sondheim/Stephen Sondheim's musical Bounce (musical)/Road Show (alternately known as Wise Guys, Gold! and Bounce).

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Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.

If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research.

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor - unassisted.

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.

The worst-tempered people I've ever met were the people who knew they were wrong.

Life is a tough proposition and the first hundred years are the hardest.

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research.

I can usually judge a fellow by what he laughs at.

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady.

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your effort to believe it.

Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down.

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

God help those who do not help themselves.

Over in Hollywood they almost made a great picture, but they caught it in time.

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

Popularity is exhausting. The life of the party almost always winds up in a corner with an overcoat over him.