Will Cuppy
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"William Jacob "Will" Cuppy" was an American humorist and literary criticism/literary critic, known for his satire/satirical books about nature and historical figures.

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As you know statistics show that a certain number of people get married each year and the rest don't. Well, I got into the wrong bunch of statistics. I should be pitied instead of questioned.

I do not travel. I am not much of an extrovert, and I'm not much interested in extroverted objects. I do not care for the "ideas" of novelists. Novels are wonderful, of course, but I prefer newspapers.

Aristotle was famous for knowing everything. He taught that the brain exists merely to cool the blood and is not involved in the process of thinking. This is true only of certain persons.

The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for.

If a cat does something, we call it instinct; if we do the same thing, for the same reason, we call it intelligence.

Caesar might have married Cleopatra, but he had a wife at home. There's always something.

Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people.

Just when you're beginning to think pretty well of people, you run across somebody who puts sugar on sliced tomatoes.

The trouble with the dictionary is that you have to know how a word is spelled before you can look it up to see how it is spelled.