Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
"Patrick Jake" ""P. J."" "O'Rourke" is an American political satire/satirist, journalism/journalist, writing/writer, and author. O'Rourke is the H. L. Mencken Research Fellow at the Cato Institute and is a regular correspondent for The Atlantic Monthly, The American Spectator, and The Weekly Standard, and frequent panelist on National Public Radio's game show Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me!. In the United Kingdom, he is known as the face of a long-running series of television advertisements for British Airways in the 1990s.
He is the author of 20 books, of which his latest, The Baby Boom: How It Got That Way (And It Wasn’t My Fault) (And I’ll Never Do It Again), was released January 2014. This was preceded on September 21, 2010, by Don't Vote!-It Just Encourages the Bastards, and on September 1, 2009, Driving Like Crazy with a reprint edition published on May 11, 2010. According to a 60 Minutes profile, he is also the most quoted living man in The Penguin Dictionary of Modern Humorous Quotations.If you enjoy these quotes, be sure to check out other famous comedians! More P. J. O'Rourke on Wikipedia.
Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.
The weirder you are going to behave, the more normal you should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person.
Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs.
Politics are a lousy way for a free man to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort.
The mystery of government is not how Washington works but how to make it stop.
France is like a great compass, which ever way they point to, go the complete opposite direction and you'll be fine.
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.
Never fight an inanimate object.
It's easy to understand why the cat has eclipsed the dog as modern America's favorite pet. People like pets to possess the same qualities they do. Cats are irresponsible and recognize no authority, yet are completely dependent on others for their material needs. Cats cannot be made to do anything useful. Cats are mean for the fun of it.
The purpose of a funeral service is to comfort the living. It is important at a funeral to display excessive grief. This will show others how kind-hearted and loving you are and their improved opinion of you will be very comforting.
Every government is a parliament of whores. The trouble is, in a democracy, the whores are us.
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators.
Feeling good about government is like looking on the bright side of any catastrophe. When you quit looking on the bright side, the catastrophe is still there.
When it comes to taking chances, some people like to play poker or shoot dice; other people prefer to parachute jump, go rhino hunting, or climb ice floes, while still others engage in crime or marriage. But I like to get drunk and drive like a fool.
Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.
With Epcot Center the Disney corporation has accomplished something I didn't think possible in today's world. They have created a land of make-believe that's worse than regular life.
After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
I like to think of my behavior in the sixties as a ''learning experience.'' Then again, I like to think of anything stupid I've done as a ''learning experience.'' It makes me feel less stupid.
The U.S. Constitution is less than a quarter the length of the owner's manual for a 1998 Toyota Camry, and yet it has managed to keep 300 million of the world's most unruly, passionate and energetic people safe, prosperous and free.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen.
Remember the generational battles twenty years ago? Remember all the screaming at the dinner table about haircuts, getting jobs and the American dream? Well, our parents won. They're out living the American dream on some damned golf course in Vero Beach, and we're stuck with the jobs and haircuts.
Skiing consists of wearing $3,000 worth of clothes and equipment and driving 200 miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and drink.
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.