Jackie Mason
FameRank: 6

"Hyman Krustofski" in The Simpsons episodes "Like Father, Like Clown", "Today I Am A Clown", "Once Upon a Time in Springfield", "Treehouse of Horror XXII", "The Ten-Per-Cent Solution", "At Long Last Leave", and "Clown in the Dumps"

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"Jackie Mason" is an United States/American stand-up comedy/stand-up comedian and film and television actor.

If you enjoy these quotes, be sure to check out other famous comedians! More Jackie Mason on Wikipedia.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

We were going to do it before the hurricane, but decided to wait.

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

By these things examine thyself. By whose rules am I acting; in whose name; in whose strength; in whose glory? What faith, humility, self-denial, and love of God and to man have there been in all my actions?

Frankly, I'm in shock. I just can't believe it...even though I had every reason to expect it.

The nervousness never lasted more than a second because he was so congenial and comfortable. He made more stars on his show, probably, than anybody in the whole history of show business.

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant -- even if they wanted to be one?

[After taking a critical hit in his first non-solo musical venture on Broadway with the short-lived Laughing Room Only, Mason noted the return to his roots.] I am excited about getting back to what I do best and what my audience likes best, ... I am writing new jokes every day and soon Ill be telling them every night. Just me... one Jew talking and that's it.