"Jack Handey" is an American humorist. He is best known for his "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey", a large body of Surrealism/surrealistic one-liner jokes, as well as his "Fuzzy Memories" and "My Big Thick Novel" shorts. Although many people assume otherwise, Handey is a real person, not a pen name or character.

More Jack Handey on Wikipedia.

It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man and an ever bigger man to ask why he is laughing.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

I hope that when I die, people say about me, 'Boy, that guy sure owed me a lot of money.'

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes & dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, 'It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver.'