Ellen DeGeneres
FameRank: 10

"Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series/Outstanding Writing in a Comedy Series"

1997 Ellen/Ellen

"Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Talk Show/Outstanding Talk Show"

2004 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2005 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2006 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2007 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

"Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Talk Show Entertainment/Outstanding Talk Show Entertainment"

2010 The Ellen Degeneres Show

2011 The Ellen Degeneres Show

2013 The Ellen Degeneres Show

2014 The Ellen Degeneres Show

"Outstanding Special Class Writing"

2005 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2006 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2007 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2011 The Ellen Degeneres Show

2012 The Ellen Degeneres Show

2013 The Ellen Degeneres Show

2014 The Ellen Degeneres Show

"Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Talk Show Host/Outstanding Talk Show Host"

2005 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2006 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2007 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2008 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

"Outstanding Promotional Announcement - Institutional"

2009 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2011 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

2012 The Ellen DeGeneres Show

If you enjoy these quotes, be sure to check out other famous comedians! More Ellen DeGeneres on Wikipedia.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.

I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me!' I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!'

I was coming home from kindergarten--well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It's good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.

I was in yoga the other day. I was in full lotus position. My chakras were all aligned. My mind is cleared of all clatter and I'm looking out of my third eye and everything that I'm supposed to be doing. It's amazing what comes up, when you sit in that silence. 'Mama keeps whites bright like the sunlight, Mama's got the magic of Clorox 2.'

The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.

Sometimes when I am driving I get so angry at inconsiderate drivers that I want to scream at them. But then I remember how insignificant that is, and I thank God that I have a car and my health and gas. That was phrased wrong - normally you wouldn't say, thank God I have gas.

The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said 'God Bless you' I said, 'I didn't sneeze' She looked deep into my eyes and said, 'You will, eventually.' And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.

Why should I pay strangers to listen to me talk when I can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?

I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. For one thing, there's morning sickness. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.

They say you just stand over there, he'll say thank you and you walk back off and that's what I thought was gonna happen, but in my head, I had for five or six years known that he was gonna call me over.

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.

I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: 'Ohhh my God, you're thin.'

You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.

We use 10 percent of our brains. Imagine how much we could accomplish if we used the other 60 percent.

Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.

The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life.

Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off.

I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.

Just go up to somebody on the street and say "You're it!" and just run away.

"I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like "shut up, shut up, shut up...blah blah blah blah blaaaaah."

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.

I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.