I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial. -Joan Rivers

 

I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.


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This quote is just one of 17 total Joan Rivers quotes in our collection. Joan Rivers is known for saying 'I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He dropped the Polaroid and keeled over and so did the hooker. It would have taken me half an hour to untie myself and call the paramedics, but fortunately the Great Dane could dial.' as well as some of the following quotes.

I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

Joan Rivers
263

Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

Joan Rivers
254
I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking. -Joan Rivers
231

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.

Joan Rivers
216

If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.

Joan Rivers
201
I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor. -Joan Rivers
200

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

Joan Rivers
194