75 toilet quotes follow in order of popularity. Be sure to bookmark and share your favorites!

I refuse to go into a fast-food outlet - to use the toilet even - in case anyone got the wrong idea and thought I was sneaking in a quick burger.

Jonny Wilkinson

Psychiatry's chief contribution to philosophy is the discovery that the toilet is the seat of the soul.

Alexander Chase

Toilet paper all over the floor. Bodies. Babies dying in front of your face.

Tracy Perkins

There's nothing behind a closed door besides a toilet.

Joe Hurwitz

I told them this is not your regular case. I told them I lost a high-tech toilet seat. The detectives contacted me and said they're going to try and find it.

Hamid Shoushtari

If I'm sitting on the toilet and I'm looking at the grouting on the tiles, that grouting really gets me. Mothers have a thing about grouting.

Sharon Osbourne

They got knocked into the toilet. My dog ate my homework. Oh, and it ate my pain medication. ... They got stolen.

Marc Kleinman

Most of the time he [Marlon Brando] sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.

Rex Reed

In some cases suicidal girls were stripped naked and isolated for extended time periods in windowless empty 'dark rooms' with only a drain in the cement floor to serve as a toilet.

Alex Acosta

We are all shopping in the same stores, so if someone hoards the toilet paper, there's less for us.

Jason Alderman

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Alan King

We're not going to try to get these people not to respond. But any lawyer worth his salt will see the subpoenas are not worth so much toilet paper.

Dick Deguerin

My giant tortoise now weighs 100 pounds, eats 50 pounds of hay a week and goes to the toilet like a horse.

Dean Harper

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.

Billy Wilder

You can stand up in front of a bunch of four-year-olds and just say 'toilet,' and they'll start laughing.

Charlie Williams

We are going to train the toilet cleaners to upgrade himself or herself to a level where he or she can take care of the entire toilet, including changing bulbs, repairing locks, repairing leaky taps, doing periodical heavy cleaning, technical cleaning, taking away urine salt inside the toilet and recommending changes to the toilet layout.

Jack Sim

Just about anything anybody can use, we give out free from toilet paper on up. I feel like God sent me here. Jerry helped me raise my four kids when I lived in Longview Place and St. John's Lutheran School was nearby.

Maggie White

All it takes is someone to dump mercury down the toilet, and I've got this problem again.

Glenn Dishong

There's sort of an art to the whole fence, toilet, concession thing that's sometimes looked at as no big thing. But it's taken years for us to get it down to the way we need it.

Paul Tollett

I don't want to sugarcoat this. It is not something that is easily done or that is a sure thing. But I have great arguments. For anybody willing to listen, your case is easy to sell. Without this change, fire safety will go down the toilet.

Terry Lewis