Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.

Tiger Woods

I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for - getting paid for doing what you love.

Tiger Woods

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

Bob Hope

If I had won today and all those other championships, my life might be totally different, but I didn't win. It's not going to affect my life. I am upset inside, but I'm not going to run around and be like a Dennis Rodman and head-butt an official.

Greg Norman

We tournament golfers are much overrated. We get paid to much.

Tom Watson

The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so I could afford to hunt and fish.

Sam Snead

When Lee and Jack win, it is good for golf. When I win, it is better.

Chi Chi Rodriguez

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

H. L. Mencken

My God, he looks like he's beating a chicken.

Byron Nelson

It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get.

Arnold Palmer

They say 'practice" makes perfect.' Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection.

Henry Longhurst

I'm getting so old, I don't even buy green bananas anymore.

Chi Chi Rodriguez

Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.

Harry Vardon

Nobody buy you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.

Lee Trevino

I miss the hole, I miss the hole, I miss the hole, I hole it.

Seve Ballesteros

I love it [Practicing in Texas]. You can find anything. You can practice rain, you can practice wind, you can practice on hard pan, you can practice on lush gold courses, you can find all the conditions you will ever encounter in Texas.

Tom Kite

My best score ever is 103, but I've only been playing 15 years.

Alex Karras

The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done.

Arnold Palmer

The person I fear most in the last two rounds is myself.

Tom Watson

Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.

Jimmy Demaret

[Isao Aoki] is one of the three best players in the world from 100yards. Maybe the best.

Tom Watson

Golf is tiddlywinks played while standing up and and wearing a hat.

Florence King

Double or nothing down the last hole?

Greg Norman

Each shot is important.

Gary Player

Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream.

Jim Murray

I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper.

David Brenner

Why Don't you aim more to the right?

Ben Hogan

It was a hole in one contest and I had a three.

Abe Lemons

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

Lee Trevino

If there's a golf course in heaven, I hope it's like Augusta National. I just don't want an early tee time.

Gary Player

When you fall in love with golf, you seldom fall easy. It's obsession at first sight.

Thomas Boswell

Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you.

Arnold Palmer

Golf is the only sport that a professional can enjoy playing with his friends. Can Larry Holmes enjoy fighting one of his friends?

Chi Chi Rodriguez

Hey, is this room out of bounds?

Alex Karras

There's something intrinsically therapeutic about choosing to spend your time in a wide, open park- like setting that non-golfers can never truly understand.

Charles Rosin

If a course needs to be in great condition to be played effectively,then the design strategy is flawed.

Tom Watson

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.

Ben Hogan

I played with Tiger [Woods], and I probably felt like you would be out there with me. Tiger is getting it by me about 50 or 60 yards, so it makes you inferior with your ability to hit the ball.

Greg Norman

I hope people will remember that I shot 67 to come roaring back.

Nick Faldo

Miss a putt for $2,000? Not likely!

Walter Hagen

Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.

Florence King

That's the easiest 69 I ever made.

Walter Hagen

Yeah, but I'll be working as a marshal. I'll be helping your team find all the balls they drive into the rough.

Seve Ballesteros

Through the years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.

Jack Nicklaus

The safest place would be in the fairway.

Joe Garagiola

I read the greens in Spanish, but putt in English.

Chi Chi Rodriguez

Most people play a fair game of golf - If you watch them.

Joey Adams

I couldn't wait for the sun to come up the next morning so that I could get out on the course again.

Ben Hogan

The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top.

Pete Dye

A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how to behave.

Jack Nicklaus

Where the hell's Jane?

Nick Faldo

Golf isn't a game, it's a choice that one makes with one's life.

Charles Rosin

Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill soured by a whiff of arrogance.

Alistair Cooke

The greens are harder than a whore's heart.

Sam Snead

I try to work with God as a partner.

Gary Player

I made nothing happen very slowly.

Gary Mccord

Arnold [Palmer} has what I call an 'Eisenhower smile'. Those two men, they'd smile and their whole faces would look so pleasant; it was like they were smiling all over.

Byron Nelson

I can explain that shot. Arnold moved his wallet to the other pocket.

Ben Crenshaw

My dear, did you ever stop to think what a wonderful bunker you would make?

Walter Hagen

The name speaks for itself. He stands for all the good there is ingolf.

Jimmy Demaret

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.

Jim Bishop

Write him off quick. I think that's the end of him, really. He's gone.

Nick Faldo

Shoot a lower score than everybody else.

Ben Hogan

Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.

Arnold Palmer

The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.

Chi Chi Rodriguez

Golf is a game not just of manners but of morals.

Art Spander

Faith sir, she looks like the Old Course.

Tom Morris

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

Lee Trevino

There are two things that won't last long in this world, and that's dogs chasing cars and pros putting for pars.

Lee Trevino

A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe; a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible.

Jean Giraudoux

Never let up. The more you can win by, the more doubts you put in the other players' minds the next time out.

Sam Snead

Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.

Jim Murray

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.

Ben Hogan

A great deal of unnecessarily bad golf is played in this world.

Harry Vardon

I'm not out there just to be dancing around. I expect to win every time I tee up.

Lee Trevino

Ask the American players how many weeks in a row they play in Japan.

Seve Ballesteros

Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

Dave Barry

It's a little bit disheartening that here we have the biggest (first) prize in the (golf) world and half the guys don't turn up.

Michael Campbell

No Trevino speaks Mexican.

Seve Ballesteros

Why do we work so hard to feel so terrible.

Hollis Stacy

You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen.

Lee Trevino

They looked as if they had trees growing out of them.

Tom Kite

Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation.

Jack Nicklaus

Gimme: an agreement between two losers who can't putt.

Jim Bishop

You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.

Walter Hagen

The game embarrasses you until you feel inadequate.

Ben Crenshaw

Just knock hell out of it with your right hand.

Tommy Armour

I wasn't there long enough to hear them say what they were.

John Huston

The real success in golf lies in turning three shots into two.

Bobby Locke

A hungry dog hunts best.

Lee Trevino

So if you visit Chicago, enjoy the many great courses, the Midwestern friendliness, and the cities other amenities. But if a stranger with a goofy swing wants to play for more than loose change, take a pass. It's a long walk back to your hotel in bare feet.

Mike Royko

I like trying to win. That's what golf is all about.

Jack Nicklaus

Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.

Gary Player

If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.

Sam Snead

Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.

Buddy Hackett

Golf is a better game played downhill.

Jack Nicklaus

I'm glad I brought this course, this monster, to its knees.

Ben Hogan

I'm about as concerned as Jack would be if he read that I was practicing to compete in the Masters.

Mark Mccormack

Golf is not sacred, and there is no use getting so gosh-darned solemn about it.

Don Herold

Golf is played with the arms.

Sam Snead

When I woke up Sunday morning at the Open and stepped outside and felt the wind and rain in my face, I knew I had an excellent chance to win if I just took my time and trusted myself.

Tom Kite

I like going there for golf. America's one vast golf course these days.

Edward Viii