Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
Tiger Woods
I get to play golf for a living. What more can you ask for - getting paid for doing what you love.
Tiger Woods
If I had won today and all those other championships, my life might be totally different, but I didn't win. It's not going to affect my life. I am upset inside, but I'm not going to run around and be like a Dennis Rodman and head-butt an official.
Greg Norman
We tournament golfers are much overrated. We get paid to much.
Tom Watson
When Lee and Jack win, it is good for golf. When I win, it is better.
Chi Chi Rodriguez
It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.
H. L. Mencken
My God, he looks like he's beating a chicken.
Byron Nelson
It's a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get.
Arnold Palmer
They say 'practice" makes perfect.' Of course, it doesn't. For the vast majority of golfers it merely consolidates imperfection.
Henry Longhurst
I'm getting so old, I don't even buy green bananas anymore.
Chi Chi Rodriguez
Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
Harry Vardon
Nobody buy you and your caddie care what you do out there, and if your caddie is betting against you, he doesn't care, either.
Lee Trevino
I miss the hole, I miss the hole, I miss the hole, I hole it.
Seve Ballesteros
My best score ever is 103, but I've only been playing 15 years.
Alex Karras
The most rewarding things you do in life are often the ones that look like they cannot be done.
Arnold Palmer
The person I fear most in the last two rounds is myself.
Tom Watson
Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.
Jimmy Demaret
[Isao Aoki] is one of the three best players in the world from 100yards. Maybe the best.
Tom Watson
Golf is tiddlywinks played while standing up and and wearing a hat.
Florence King
Double or nothing down the last hole?
Greg Norman
Each shot is important.
Gary Player
Don Quixote would understand golf. It is the impossible dream.
Jim Murray
I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper.
David Brenner
It was a hole in one contest and I had a three.
Abe Lemons
Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.
Lee Trevino
If there's a golf course in heaven, I hope it's like Augusta National. I just don't want an early tee time.
Gary Player
When you fall in love with golf, you seldom fall easy. It's obsession at first sight.
Thomas Boswell
Always make a total effort, even when the odds are against you.
Arnold Palmer
Golf is the only sport that a professional can enjoy playing with his friends. Can Larry Holmes enjoy fighting one of his friends?
Chi Chi Rodriguez
Hey, is this room out of bounds?
Alex Karras
There's something intrinsically therapeutic about choosing to spend your time in a wide, open park- like setting that non-golfers can never truly understand.
Charles Rosin
If a course needs to be in great condition to be played effectively,then the design strategy is flawed.
Tom Watson
I played with Tiger [Woods], and I probably felt like you would be out there with me. Tiger is getting it by me about 50 or 60 yards, so it makes you inferior with your ability to hit the ball.
Greg Norman
I hope people will remember that I shot 67 to come roaring back.
Nick Faldo
Miss a putt for $2,000? Not likely!
Walter Hagen
Golf is an exercise in Scottish pointlessness for people who are no longer able to throw telephone poles at each other.
Florence King
That's the easiest 69 I ever made.
Walter Hagen
Yeah, but I'll be working as a marshal. I'll be helping your team find all the balls they drive into the rough.
Seve Ballesteros
Through the years of experience I have found that air offers less resistance than dirt.
Jack Nicklaus
The safest place would be in the fairway.
Joe Garagiola
I read the greens in Spanish, but putt in English.
Chi Chi Rodriguez
Most people play a fair game of golf - If you watch them.
Joey Adams
A kid grows up a lot faster on the golf course. Golf teaches you how to behave.
Jack Nicklaus
Where the hell's Jane?
Nick Faldo
Golf isn't a game, it's a choice that one makes with one's life.
Charles Rosin
Golf is an open exhibition of overweening ambition, courage deflated by stupidity, skill soured by a whiff of arrogance.
Alistair Cooke
I try to work with God as a partner.
Gary Player
I made nothing happen very slowly.
Gary Mccord
Arnold [Palmer} has what I call an 'Eisenhower smile'. Those two men, they'd smile and their whole faces would look so pleasant; it was like they were smiling all over.
Byron Nelson
I can explain that shot. Arnold moved his wallet to the other pocket.
Ben Crenshaw
My dear, did you ever stop to think what a wonderful bunker you would make?
Walter Hagen
The name speaks for itself. He stands for all the good there is ingolf.
Jimmy Demaret
Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.
Jim Bishop
Write him off quick. I think that's the end of him, really. He's gone.
Nick Faldo
Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.
Arnold Palmer
The first time I played the Masters, I was so nervous I drank a bottle of rum before I teed off. I shot the happiest 83 of my life.
Chi Chi Rodriguez
Golf is a game not just of manners but of morals.
Art Spander
Faith sir, she looks like the Old Course.
Tom Morris
If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.
Lee Trevino
There are two things that won't last long in this world, and that's dogs chasing cars and pros putting for pars.
Lee Trevino
A golf course is the epitome of all that is purely transitory in the universe; a space not to dwell in, but to get over as quickly as possible.
Jean Giraudoux
Show me a man who is a good loser and I'll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss.
Jim Murray
A great deal of unnecessarily bad golf is played in this world.
Harry Vardon
I'm not out there just to be dancing around. I expect to win every time I tee up.
Lee Trevino
Ask the American players how many weeks in a row they play in Japan.
Seve Ballesteros
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Dave Barry
It's a little bit disheartening that here we have the biggest (first) prize in the (golf) world and half the guys don't turn up.
Michael Campbell
No Trevino speaks Mexican.
Seve Ballesteros
Why do we work so hard to feel so terrible.
Hollis Stacy
You can talk to a fade but a hook won't listen.
Lee Trevino
Resolve never to quit, never to give up, no matter what the situation.
Jack Nicklaus
Gimme: an agreement between two losers who can't putt.
Jim Bishop
You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry, don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.
Walter Hagen
The game embarrasses you until you feel inadequate.
Ben Crenshaw
Just knock hell out of it with your right hand.
Tommy Armour
I wasn't there long enough to hear them say what they were.
John Huston
The real success in golf lies in turning three shots into two.
Bobby Locke
A hungry dog hunts best.
Lee Trevino
So if you visit Chicago, enjoy the many great courses, the Midwestern friendliness, and the cities other amenities. But if a stranger with a goofy swing wants to play for more than loose change, take a pass. It's a long walk back to your hotel in bare feet.
Mike Royko
I like trying to win. That's what golf is all about.
Jack Nicklaus
Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.
Gary Player
Golf is more fun than walking naked in a strange place, but not much.
Buddy Hackett
Golf is a better game played downhill.
Jack Nicklaus
I'm about as concerned as Jack would be if he read that I was practicing to compete in the Masters.
Mark Mccormack
Golf is not sacred, and there is no use getting so gosh-darned solemn about it.
Don Herold
I like going there for golf. America's one vast golf course these days.
Edward Viii
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