Ring Lardner
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"Ringgold Wilmer Lardner" was an United States/American sports columnist and short story writer best known for his satirical writings about sports, marriage, and theatre drama.

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I've known what it is to be hungry, but I always went right to a restaurant.

A good many young writers make the mistake of enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope, big enough for the manuscript to come back in. This is too much of a temptation to the editor.

He give her a look that you could of poured on a waffle.

This story is slightly immoral, but so, I guess, are stories based on truth.

He looked at me as if I were a side dish he hadn't ordered.

An optimist is a girl who mistakes a bulge for a curve.

They (wives) are people who think when the telephone bell rings, it is against the law not to answer it.

No one, ever, wrote anything as well even after one drink as he would have done without it.

They gave each other a smile with a future in it.

Shut up he explained.