The problem is the victim mentality, the flip- and often-overlooked side of bullying. Most bullying programs unwittingly encourage this victim mentality.

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People have a knee-jerk reaction when they hear that. They say I'm blaming the victims. I'm not blaming the victims, but I am saying that they are the ones who have the problem. Bullies don't have the problem. They aren't the ones committing suicide and shooting up schools. Those are the victims, and those are the ones whose behavior we need to change.

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You can't teach tolerance with a zero-tolerance policy. It's no big deal to be tolerant of people who are nice to you. The challenge is to tolerate people who aren't so nice. On top of that, 'zero tolerance for aggression' is a logical absurdity, because it ultimately requires that we use aggression to stop it.

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