[I feel] an overwhelming sadness. I'm not an angry person. I have a big, loving family and a roster full of former teammates that I love and respect. But, I'm so heartbroken right now. I could never fathom this is how my hockey career would end.

But as the (former) leader of my team, how would I even be able to deal with something like that? I haven't been able to go there.

If I had slowed down, I would step aside gracefully and be OK with it.

I'd like to think I have enough self-awareness to know when my time as a player is done. But if for some reason, unbeknownst to me, that I couldn't see when the end was for me, I have a support group of high level hockey people, family, teammates, and friends, who give me honest assessments of my game all the time. They would tell me.

Twenty people have mentioned that to me.

It hurts when you know something is so wrong and there is nothing you can really do about it.

When I have given what I have given to the program, it is hard to just sit with this.

I feel I should be there.

Please, ... don't indicate that I brought this up at all. ... Besides smiling about it, I haven't taken it further.