In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.

180

Marriage is a wonderful invention, but, then again, so is a bicycle repair kit!

169

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

161

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagination as I used to be.

154

To a member of the audience who was heckling - 'Don't tell me how to do my job, do I go to your job and tell you how to sweep up.

144

What's being bought is the PR value, and the marketing value.

98

People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here, Knobhead?When you're involved in an accident and someone asks, "Are you alright?" Yes, fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off. People who ann.

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